Let’s be honest staying positive these days can feel like an underpaid job.
People say“no low vibrations,” “manifest abundance,” and “protect your peace,” even when the world feels heavy and our hearts are tired. But sometimes, that pressure to “stay positive” starts to sound less like liberation and more like denial and avoidance. People use this practice and sometimes are unclear on how the ego hijacks the work and twists it into something not useful and unhealthy. The practice then puts us in positions where our hurtful habits and patterns are seen as spiritual and divine. They ain’t.

I’ve learned through my practice and through life that real positivity isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s more about allowing two things to be true at the same time…in the same moment…and not allowing one truth to weight more than the other. Something will ALWAYS be out of whack…that doesn’t mean you have to be. Nor does it mean when you are feeling an unfavorable emotion that you’re horrible at mindfulness and less of a yogi. In fact this is where your practice is THE MOST valuable. Flexibility isn’t just for the body…it is for the mind.

I remember during a really challenging time in my life, everything felt off. My body was healing, my mind was scattered, and I pretended I was ok when I wasn’t. I was in a situation ship with a man 10 years my senior and his actions and words were not only confusing but also really condescending. I thought the best way to show I am emotionally mature and grounded was to speak nothing of my discomfort and let it go. Mind you I was really early in my yoga journey. I was so present with not having pain (this is me being sarcastic) that I practiced with my yoga wheel not understanding the transfer of oil from my hands to the surface of this wheel. I fell and impaled myself…requiring 8 stitches for the gash in my knee, a sprained wrist, sprained ankle and a deep bone bruise.

That fake ok…made me really vulnerable and mindless. I didn’t need to smile through it. I didn’t need to pretend I wasn’t ok.I needed to breathe through it. I needed to use my practice to be brave and speak up. I needed to use a breath to be ok with what I really needed…I needed to not isolate myself and I needed to get out of my head.

That’s when I realized there’s a difference between saying you are a practicing yogi and actually being one. This practice allows and invites expansion, it is healing on the inside and disrupts coping and transitions it into confidently facing the life realities we had some hand in choosing. We live in a culture that treats positivity like armor, when yoga teaches us that positivity moves, it changes, it expands when we genuinely cultivate a life that allows for it to exist at all times.

There’s a real difference between toxic positivity pretending everything’s fine and yogic lightness trusting that you’ll be fine even when things aren’t. In toxic positivity, we bypass truth to protect our comfort. In yogic lightness, we face truth and find freedom through it.

Think about holding Warrior II: your legs burn, your arms shake, your mind starts to wander. You don’t pretend it doesn’t hurt you breathe into the effort. That’s yoga’s version of positivity: presence, not pushiness.

Do’s

• Do acknowledge your full emotional range; joy, grief, anger, confusion… all are part of being human.
• Do practice compassion before optimism, meet your truth with gentleness.
• Do ground your positivity in gratitude and reality, not performance.
• Do stay curious, ask “What can I learn here?” rather than “How can I fix this fast?”
• Do breathe through discomfort, presence is more powerful than pretending.
• Do allow laughter and play as acts of resilience and rest.

 Don’ts

• Don’t spiritualize avoidance meditation and affirmations can’t replace honest reflection or therapy.
• Don’t shame others (or yourself) for feeling low or critical.
• Don’t confuse silence with peace being quiet about pain isn’t the same as being calm.
• Don’t bypass accountability positivity without responsibility is hollow.
• Don’t idolize constant happiness  yoga teaches equanimity, not endless joy.
• Don’t rush the process healing and lightness unfold in their own patterns.

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali have something powerful to say about this. In Sutra I.33, Patanjali offers a map for cultivating peace of mind: “By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and equanimity toward the wicked, the mind retains its undisturbed calmness.” This verse gives us four emotional “postures”; maitri (friendliness), karuna (compassion), mudita (joy), and upeksha(equanimity). These aren’t about being positive all the time; they’re about staying balanced in how we relate to life.

Friendliness when others are shining.
Compassion when others are suffering.
Joy when goodness is around you.
Equanimity when things are messy.

Patanjali isn’t saying “ignore what’s wrong.” He’s saying don’t let it steal you of YOUR peace.It’s not easy to stay light when there’s so much pain in the world — injustice, grief, burnout, bills, losses. But yoga doesn’t ask us to ignore the dark. It asks us to see clearly.

Being a yogi and a Black woman in this world has taught me that joy is resistance.
It’s not naive. It’s necessary. Light-hearted doesn’t mean empty headed; it means we refuse to let what’s wrong define what’s possible. So yes, acknowledge the struggle. Feel the feelings. Speak the truth. Then, when you’re ready, take a deep breath and choose to move forward with grace. Because every time I roll out my mat and breathe through the chaos, I’m reclaiming my time — my peace, my energy, my power.

That’s the work. That’s the real practice.

Today’s blog is dedicated to my dear friend JT who is one of the most brilliant and present humans I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in this life. Wishing you well and thank you for always being a positive influence in my life and those around you.

xoxo