My first yoga practice was a bit life changing. I had some revelations that were physical and others that were a little more heart centered. I knew after 90 minutes in that Bikram studio I didn’t want to live without that feeling. My body wasn’t in the best shape and I remember just feeling more in control of my “inner world”. I don’t even know if I understood what that meant but I kept going to class looking to find that “I got this” feeling.

I don’t have anything I am chasing these days. Practice is part of my world and it happens in different ways. I’ve found myself dragging myself to the mat and other days finding it hard to get off and start my day.

But there is something important I try to remember no matter what and that is to take an intentional breath. Do it on purpose. Be still on purpose. Move consciously. I have in the past been obsessed with mindfulness. Maybe so much so that I was completely paralyzed by fear of making a mindless decision.

I am the victim of my own bad calls in life.

I knew I shouldn’t have bought this or that. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that. I knew I shouldn’t have opened my mouth or kept it closed.

But I survived. I made it through. I’d like to think I am better for it. So now the practice isn’t something that is giving me these moments of deep thought and reflection, I seem to have adopted a way of existing that brings me to a place of being in the moment without needing a downward facing dog.

I don’t know the experience of other yogis. If the practice is so close that it feels inside of you. Maybe that sounds weird but it’s the best words I got right now. A friend shared how less intention was for them and I’m still wrapping my mind around how to process that.

Is the key to a happy and fulfilling life living with less intention? What does it mean to throw “caution to the wind”? Where is loosening your grip on control the way to take control over your life?

How do we live balancing the magic of the moment and the consciousness of choice? Also, how do we do that without becoming obsessed with the outcome and forcing it in a direction. There are so many questions that pop up for me. I’m not terribly consumed with finding the answer. There may not even be AN answer.

But, perhaps that IS the practice, to let two things be true at the same time. I made a choice and let’s see what happens.